Friday, April 8, 2011

I think I want to start painting again

In the past few weeks I've struggled with postpartum depression and post traumatic stress from the difficult delivery of my fourth baby. It's been a roller coaster ride to say the least and my first experience taking anti-depressants.

In the weeks following the delivery, I had feelings of over-all failure and disinterest in everyday life, the pinnacle being me not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. It was because of this I made the decision to talk to my doctor about getting help. I was then started on Zoloft to help bring me through the depression.

Having never been on anti-depressants before, I did not realize that it wasn't a quick fix. I thought you take the pill and ta-da! You're happy. No, not the case at all. It takes about four weeks to actually get to a "therapeutic range,"so in the mean time you still deal with symptoms of depression and stress.

I'm about two weeks in and while waiting for things to improve, its left me scrambling to fill the void with other things. So, I make things and I blog and I play with the kids and I hold my baby, but still I feel I need an outlet; something that's just for me.

Chris and I were talking about it yesterday. You see, he has "nerd night" where he plays Starcraft with his buddies online. It's his time to just be with the guys and do something fun for him. I think that its great and part of me wishes that there was something like that for me. Chris has been encouraging me to find what it is I enjoy doing and make time for it, but I make excuses and find a thousand reasons why I just can't.

In the past, I did have things that were just for me but then life happens and being a responsible adult happens and its easy for me to get caught up in the routine rather than the enjoyment of life. There are so many things I  enjoy doing, but often times I discount their importance because it's fun. For some reason fun equals not working hard enough in my mind. Ridiculous I know, but there it is, a really crazy mindset I need to readjust.
The funny thing is, its those things I chalk up to laziness that make me feel like a well-balanced person.

One thing I really would like to take time to do again is paint. I love to paint with watercolors, but with little ones, it's hard to get them out and do something uninterrupted. The other obstacle is, at the end of the day when the kids are in bed, I'm tired and have so little left in the tank to devote to painting. It's something that I really want to remedy!

It might help to make art again, so I want to try. When I was younger, I'd go through times of depression and making art would help. If I was particularly "down" my Mom would even ask me if I created something lately. Sure enough, if I'd sit down and make some art I would start to feel better. I love to make things and paint things and I really want to make time to do it again.


So, what spurred these feelings? I was going through my pictures this week, pulling photos aside to be printed and I came across some pictures of my old watercolor paintings from college.  It's been nearly 9 years since I graduated and still, seeing the art makes me want to get my paints out and create. I might give it try. Maybe it will help!

I'd like share with you some of my work.











20 comments:

  1. Beautiful paintings, Angela! Productivity and creativity are so therapeutic. I don't know where you find the time but I love your paintings and your DIY projects! :)

    Have a wonderful weekend!
    Roeshel

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  2. I am checking out your blog from DIY Show off!=) I have got to say...YOU NEED TO BE PAINTING. You should have your hubs watch the kids during the day while you still have energy. I have suffered from Post Tramatic Stress and depression before from an attack I went through. They will kick in and help you. Do not give up and believe your doc when they say do not stop them dead cold. They help but you have to slowly wean yourself off of them or you will get sick. Good luck with your stuggle it will get better. Oh and just in case you did not see it...PAINT AGAIN.=)

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  3. I love to watercolor. It is so relaxing. Your portraits are beautiful. You need to paint.

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  4. What a gift you have! And such a blessing to have that opportunity for "self-therapy." (All us moms need to have something like that that's all us so we can hold onto who we are apart from those little pieces of our hearts running around in the world driving us crazy.) I'm a touch jealous you have such a productive outlet...if I could paint like that I would never buy art again! Sorry you're going through a tough spot, but thanks for being authentic about it.

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  5. I came over from The DIY Showoff and so glad I did.
    You need to be painting for sure. Your work is beautiful, and I can feel the emotion and passion in your art. It will help you tremendously and it will also help your family. You know the old saying, "If momma ain't happy, then no-body's happy"?
    Your children will see that mommy takes time for herself to keep up something she loves to do, and that will teach them valuable lessons for life.

    God Bless and I hope you take the time for yourself and paint again! I look forward to seeing your new works of art. :o)

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  6. I can't imagine how you feel..it must be incredibly difficult to go thru that...I wish I could jump in your head right now and show you what I am seeing and share my excitement...it would, I think, make you VERY HAPPY! you are an amazing woman and artist! I am so glad you were featured on the DIY Showoff, I look forward to getting to know you better...and thank you for sharing such an inspiring and beautiful part of yourself!

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  7. Wow, no wonder you feel better when you express yourself artistically. You have real talent!

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  8. Beautiful paintings. I am stopping by from the DIY showoff. Follow back @ http://designingdreams-sheri.blogspot.com
    Best wishes,
    Sheri

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  9. I've been where you are at and things WILL get better. It's great that you are sharing for everyone out there who has suffered from post partum depression. Good for you! You have amazing talent...your artistic talent is a great gift.

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  10. Your artwork is great, very professional looking! If this is what it takes to make you feel better - go for it!

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  11. Saw you on the DIY showoff, and I thought that I would pop in to poke around. I feel like I wrote this post. Painting was missing from my life up until this last month. I was asked by our church to do a couple of paintings for the new nursery, and I said yes. Ya know, be a nice person. I put it off, and then once I finally got started it was like magic. I was so relaxed that I could finally sleep for once! So turn on some good tunes and PAINT. I paint after the kids are in bed whether I want to or not. Once I get started I'm glad that I did. It will help, I promise.

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  12. Hang in there kitty! Better days are coming! It will get better eventually. It is good that you can talk about it. That is usually the hardest step, admitting something is wrong. Love your paintings! You definitely should be doing more of that. You are very talented. It is hard being Mom. I get so mad at my husband who just comes and goes and assumes I will be here for the kids. My kids are really spread out though and I am enjoying baby stepping my 15 year old daughter into babysitting her little 4 year old sister. You do need a life besides being Mom. It is the most rewarding, challenging and lonely job in the world though. You should sell some of your paintings on Etsy. If you ever do, I want a pic of my kids done by you for my new living room!

    I found you from DIY Showoff. I am so glad that I did. I came here cause I know your pain of having an old house. Ours was built in 1890. Must be that mine is newer than yours. I have a larger living room, 12x15. LOL! Can't wait to see what you have planned coming up!

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  13. Angie, you must take time for yourself. You deserve it, and your family will be better for it when you return to them refreshed and renewed. Four kids is a lot of work! You must feed your soul to ensure that you feed theirs.

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  14. Wow, you are really talented, I love your technique!!

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  15. Hi there! My name is Mary and just on this day I decided to start painting again, and accidently came across your blog. I feel depressed, but have not been diagnosed with it. I hope it would help me to feel happy again.

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  16. Thank you for sharing this interesting and informative article, painting with airless spray gun will be faster and more interesting!

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Please leave a comment! I love to hear from you, but please forgive me if I don't get back to you right away, It's most likely I have a child climbing up my butt.